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The Adult Child struggles to sleep

It's late at night and I cannot sleep. My mind is doing that thing were it comes up with numerous ideas. Ideas for a vlog, ideas for a movie/TV show, ideas for a children's book/comic. My mind is also doing that thing where it knocks down every idea it comes up with. Kind of like bowling. The ideas are the bowling pins and self doubt is on a roll. Taking down as many pins as possible. Ugh! I hate bowling. I'm nowhere close to good at it. I'm nowhere close to good at any sport or game and it is for lack of trying. I do it, I suck, I go "it's not for you jo, let's get some food". 

I remember one day, I was at church, the teens church. They were going around getting people to say what they were talented at. As it started getting to my turn, I started to have a mini anxiety attack. What was I going to say? I'm not talented at anything!! Wait, but I can sing now. Ehn, but I'm no WhitneyBeyonceMariah so I can't claim that as a talent, that's lying. Dance? Please, I get out of breath after 10 minutes! Next!!!
I'm so unfit
 Draw/sketch/paint? I was not the best in art class. Talk? Come on, what kind of a weak ass talent is that? Toddlers can talk. Can't play a musical instrument, I'm not a science whiz(is it still cool to use this word? Haven't seen it around in a long time).

Depressing something
So there I was, the teenage adult child with no real skill or talent.
I've had that sort of conversation with myself each time I've had an idea. There was the time I wanted to do a video series about my life as a Nigerian student in Ghana. Tell people about the wonders of Waakye and how Azonto sort of made us(Nigerians and Ghanaians) more friends than frenemies. Discuss the root cause of the love -hate relationship between the two countries. Then there was another time when I thought about doing a podcast called "What's up with that? " where I'd talk about things that beckon the question "What's up with that? " e.g "Applauding in non applause required situations" Air planes, movie theaters, what's up with that? ". I thought I'd be an okay TV presenter one time. I host shows with myself and my mirror all the time. Then I thought I'd be an awesome radio presenter. I love listening to music and talking about music and pop culture and what not. Had some movie ideas too. By the way, I'd like the film studios to know that it's  high time someone did a biographical movie about Queen Amina or any other important figure from our history books. Also, can we get a movie about Fela please? Before Hollywood beats us to it

Voice in my head is like: "Nobody cares about that." "That's not going to work." "You can't pull that off. " "That's a stupid idea. " "What makes you think people will see that? " "See your small bum bum" "Someone is probably doing that already and doing it better than you ever would" "A blog? Leave that for the writers, the articulate ones, the ones that have talents...or gist " "You're going to run out of content" "You know you're sensitive, you can't handle the mean critics" "You don't want people to know you think that" "It'll just end up as another abandoned project, why bother?" "You have no skill and no talents."

"Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt" - (William Shakespeare, "Measure for Measure")


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