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Feem Review Time!!! (Xmen Apocalypse)


*********************SPOILERS EXIST BELOW THIS LINE*************************

On Saturdays, while normal adults go out and socialize, I stay in my bedroom and watch stuff on my laptop. I have convos with the characters and insult those ones who go where they have no business going. I like to say I am watching "feem". Feem can be movies, tv shows, Youtube videos. I would like to share some of my opinions on the feems I watch.

Today, we will be reviewing X-men Apocalypse

I felt that this addition to the X-men franchise was a little too underwhelming for my taste.  Do not see this movie after you have seen Captain America: Civil War. You will be disappointed. It pales in comparison. I got so bored watching that I decided to amuse myself by listening for hints of Sophie Turner's (Sansa Stark) English accent. 

There's the issue of this very un-terrifying villain. The only time Apocalypse gave me any chills was during the decapitation scene.  I felt that the new superheroes were just full of "meh"...Night crawler especially. There was a highlight in Quicksilver's rescue scene though. Wolverine makes a cameo again where he shows us his chest (there can't be an X-men movie without a shirtless Wolverine)

Now there are some inconsistencies in the movie that really need some explaining:

We had a glimpse of Ororo Munroe's (Storm) origin story as we see her as a pick pocket on the streets of Cairo. However, in the movie, Apocalypse enhances her powers which makes her hair turn white and she becomes "Storm". In the origin story I know, she was born with white hair because she was a descendant of African witches or priestesses who had white hair, blue eyes and special powers.
She grows up to be Halle Berry y'know?

Then there's the thing with Angel. This installment of the movie is supposed to be another look at the Xmen's past and origin stories. For Angel,we are shown that Apocalypse enhances his power by giving him metal wings

However, in Xmen: Last Stand which happens to be the future because Professor X is an old man now


















and not this beautiful specimen of a man


 Angel has regular white feathered wings.

How did he go from metal wings in his past to feathered wings in the future. Did Marvel forget that they had used him already? Please one fan boy should come and explain this part to me o.

Quicksilver is Magneto's pikin in this movie but the Quicksilver we saw in the last movie was an orphaned twin. How many friggin' Quicksilvers are there??
This Quicksilver(left) grew up to be this Quicksilver(right)??
In this movie, Magneto is hurting because his family was accidentally killed by some asshole Russian soldiers and so he joins Apocalypse's band gang because he is broken. Quicksilver tells the X-men that he is Magneto's son and nobody thinks to tell Magneto this!!! Like "Oga o...abeg make you no kill everybody. You still get one pikin remain for here". I don't understand these people.

Isn't Nightcrawler supposed to be Mystique's son in the origin story? She got with Azazel
Red guy with a tail
and made a blue baby
Tryna act like we ain't know that's your kid

Overall, it's still a tolerable movie. Good guys get the bad guys. Some bad guys are converted to good guys. Plenty action scenes but flat characters and an inconsistent storyline.

Rating: 1 gala and a bottle of water

1 comments:

Darkchildlovethyhair said...

Lol

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