The Adult Child struggles with her ignorance

Being an educated adult, people expect you to be knowledgeable on most things. Things like; politics things, current events, how to tell time, math, how to haggle, how to tell if a watermelon is ripe on the inside, you know, really serious adult stuff. I am very inept at those things listed unfortunately. Most times, to my dismay my ineptitude and ignorance show but on some rare occasions, I get away with it.

Firstly, you have to understand that it is not in my nature to not know things or not want to know. Most people who have met me would even argue that I know too much sef. These things in question ehn, these things...these things are different. My attention span when it comes to these things turns into the attention span of a cat. Let's take politics for example. Politics is great!!! It is always on TV, in the newspapers and the topic of discussion for smarties and adults. I try to keep up, I promise, I do. Infact as soon as I see a headline about a corrupt politician appearing in court over forgery charges or a headline about the naira devaluation, I check it out, read a few lines then distract myself with something like this article on buzzfeed

I DON'T EVEN HAVE A DOG!!!

Maybe if there was a Nigerian satirical politics/news show like "The Daily Show" or "The Colbert Report" or my new favourite "Last Week Tonight with John Oliver", maybe I would be more interested. Those shows are definitely NOT boring. See for yourself

Now, regarding math, if I weren't African, I would say that I have Arithmophobia, which is the fear of mathematics or numbers. However, being African, we are not allowed to have psychological issues. If you cannot learn it, it is because you are lazy or a blockhead.

Here are some ways you could hide your ignorance/ineptitude, as practised by yours truly:

1.) When someone brings up some news about politics or current events that you should know about, e.g Nigerian banks being able to float the naira without the intervention of the Central bank. Act like you are extremely impressed that this person knows such things. If there are specific amounts of money mentioned, be sure to repeat them, eyes widened, them;"Primary dealers can handle volumes of $5 million between themselves as the standard order size and can trade up to $1 million with any other dealer", you;"FIVE MILLION DOLLARS" This would cloak the fact that you are imagining naira bills floating in a tub of water when you hear the phrase "float the naira" and you have no idea what they are talking about.

2.) Interrupt them by bringing up Jenifa's Diary. Everybody loves Jenifa's Diary

Bigz geh

3.) If someone asks you to do a quick sum, even though every phone comes with a calculator now, *this one works every time*...use a calculator.

4.) Turn it into an opportunity to talk about the word of God " Brother, this is why we all need to cling to Jesus. He is the only answer"

5.) This phrase: "Did you know that the capital of Madagascar is Antananarivo and it's president is Hery Rajaonarimampianina" What are the chances that they'd know that? Nobody pays attention to Madagascar! You may not know anything about what they are referring to, but at least you know who the President of Madagascar is.