The Adult Child and romance

I loooooooooove boys! I love them so much that if I bound my guava sized boobies and shaved my hair, I could pass for one. Infact, I used to want to be one. Girl's talked too much and bored me. Boys played. I like to play. I think now that I would have been better off sticking with the girls and listening to their gist. Apparently, they were learning how to bag boyfriends and I was there playing "Police and Thief" with their future baes. They also discussed how to get paw paw and watermelon sized boobies in those meetings.

I struggle with adult dating. I am not romantic. Romance and PDA make me roll my eyes.

The only person I want to cuddle me is Jesus Christ! Cuddle me with money Lord! One day, I made a list of the sort of guy I would like to date because...adults make lists. Take a look:

My needs are simple:

1. I want someone I can discuss song lyrics with...like Madonna's "like a virgin touched for the very first time..." sooo..."sore"?
2. Someone who understands the beauty of butter. Someone who doesn't call Blue band margarine "butter"
3. Someone who can explain rap to me and the offside rule in football. Why is it wrong that Drake is so emotional? 
4. Someone who can argue with me about who has the better lines in the BBT crew.
5. Someone who makes me want to brush up on my reading, speaking, thinking...without making me feel stupid
6. Someone who doesn't make me feel awkward or robot like when I display my robot like lack of affection. I struggle heavily with PDA. I'm working on it.
7. Someone who gets my humour and references  or if slow to, appreciates them as genius
8. Someone who will let me see when I'm wrong,  genuinely and patiently.  No "blame games", "no projecting"
9. Someone who will love my silliness and playfulness. Who will make non-cheesy videos with me.
10. Someone who is not looking for a traditional Nigerian woman. I'm anything but traditional
11. Someone with a clear ambition. Not a band wagon jumper. If you are going to be a musician at least be a talented one.
12. Someone who does not think I'm uncaring when I don't ask "have you eaten?"
13. Someone who likes lazy days but is not a lazy person
14. Someone who can be sexual, a little pervy but not scary. Someone who never thinks rape is funny or okay in any way.
15. Someone who understands that I will leave him for Channing Tatum/Timberlake
16. Someone with good table manners who can be fancy but likes "laid back" like me. If you can't be fancy, that's fine just... chew with your mouth closed at least
17. Someone who isn't selfish or egoistic. 
18. Now...you may buy me stuff.  I do not demand it but if you choose to,  it's fine.  Same applies to me.
19. Someone who will remember my birthday. If you can remember your birthday,  you can bloody hell remember mine.
20. Someone who is always willing to make up. Know that if you tell me to get lost/not speak to you again...I will.
21. Someone who is not mean, spiteful and disrespectful...no racists, tribalists, misogynists or puppy killers
22. Someone who isn't insensitive. Who will listen to me and I mean LISTEN to me. I've been told that this is near impossible for guys to do but if you try, I am more than willing to help you. 
23. Someone who isn't dirty.  You can be messy but not dirty.

Who will be this Adult Child's playmate and boo thang for life?